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Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Wo-shuns
There is something so satisfying in knowing my son has exhausted himself with lots of fresh air, a huge place to run and lots of water to swim in. I love watching him sleep after spending most of the day outside in the "wo-shuns" (his word for ocean). And there is something so amazing that comes with the realization that God provided all of this for his glory and our enjoyment. He just knew that we would love a warm sun, beautiful water, the sound of waves crashing against the shore, so He created it for us. He knew how much joy it would give me to watch my sweet boy sleep all curled up on the bed, breathing deeply, resting after a wonderful day enjoying God's magnificent creation...so He gave that to me. We truly have a loving and gracious heavenly Father.
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Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Woman I Was
On February 27th last year I wrote an email to our family and friends. This was just a few days after we learned of my diagnosis with the AVM. I remember feeling terror the day my doctor told me, for at least the first few hours. The literature online was frightening. But after the dust settled I felt an overwhelming peace, a peace that could only have been present because of God's mercy. I felt from that day on into the next few months a strength in myself that I didn't know was possible. In the midst of that strength this is the email and Scripture I sent to our loved ones:
Dear Family,
God has been so merciful to us over the last few days. We have seen his hand over and over again interceding for us. So many people have reached out to us, and we have some very good leads regarding treatment for me in this difficult situation. In fact, you should be encouraged to know there are even people way out in California working on this for us. My Uncle Ray (who is a doctor) has already stepped in as my medical proxy and has really been looking out for my best interest. I am astounded, amazed and feeling so blessed. I have truly felt everyone's prayers.
I want you all to know something else. This is the first time that I have gone for a stretch of 3 days since my D&C without any bleeding whatsoever. I am so encouraged by this. I have been praying for a miracle. I know that God can do anything, and that is why I am asking for His healing. We are also still looking for a doctor who has had success treating this condition while preserving fertility if at all possible. We serve a God who is capable of all things. It is my hope and prayer that my condition is being healed even now by God. May it even be that the next test I undergo shows that there has been an improvement without having any medical intervention yet?
Please continue to pray that God will open my heart to accept whatever it is He wills for me, that I would remember any outcome is for my good. What a mighty God we serve.
In His mighty grip,
Aron, Megan & Ethan
Psalm 46
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice the earth melts. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah Come, behold the works of the LORD, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. “Be Still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth!” The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah"
When I look back and think about that span of months, between the tests, the surgery, the healing, the waiting - I see a woman who was a far cry from the woman I see in the mirror today. Today, I reflect on those providences, the skilled surgeon a little over an hour from home, the multiple times God spared my life, the high risk pregnancy doctors with the wisdom only God could have given them to know what to do when, health insurance to pay for thousands upon thousands of dollars in medical treatments, family who sacrificed their time and gave so much love so unselfishly, and multiple other evidences of God's presence and His unmerited love for me, and I am amazed that I could still be such a hopeless child. I'm an Israelite wandering in the desert, forgetting about the manna God just gave me a few hours ago. I see the trials and hardships, and I forget about that sweet manna that He has always rained down on me every time I've needed it. Where is that woman who just couldn't wait to see what amazing thing God was going to do next? In her place there is a woman who expects so little from a God who is so mighty, a God who held on to me so tightly but so gently over the last 29 years. Where is my hope?
I say this not because I have given up, not because I want pity. In fact, it is completely the opposite. I say it because I want to be that woman again. And for some reason I feel that if I just "write it down" and see the words for myself all spelled out, maybe just maybe it will be the push I need to get back to that place - the place where I end a letter with the words "In His Mighty Grip," and I can really mean it.
Dear Family,
God has been so merciful to us over the last few days. We have seen his hand over and over again interceding for us. So many people have reached out to us, and we have some very good leads regarding treatment for me in this difficult situation. In fact, you should be encouraged to know there are even people way out in California working on this for us. My Uncle Ray (who is a doctor) has already stepped in as my medical proxy and has really been looking out for my best interest. I am astounded, amazed and feeling so blessed. I have truly felt everyone's prayers.
I want you all to know something else. This is the first time that I have gone for a stretch of 3 days since my D&C without any bleeding whatsoever. I am so encouraged by this. I have been praying for a miracle. I know that God can do anything, and that is why I am asking for His healing. We are also still looking for a doctor who has had success treating this condition while preserving fertility if at all possible. We serve a God who is capable of all things. It is my hope and prayer that my condition is being healed even now by God. May it even be that the next test I undergo shows that there has been an improvement without having any medical intervention yet?
Please continue to pray that God will open my heart to accept whatever it is He wills for me, that I would remember any outcome is for my good. What a mighty God we serve.
In His mighty grip,
Aron, Megan & Ethan
Psalm 46
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice the earth melts. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah Come, behold the works of the LORD, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. “Be Still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth!” The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah"
When I look back and think about that span of months, between the tests, the surgery, the healing, the waiting - I see a woman who was a far cry from the woman I see in the mirror today. Today, I reflect on those providences, the skilled surgeon a little over an hour from home, the multiple times God spared my life, the high risk pregnancy doctors with the wisdom only God could have given them to know what to do when, health insurance to pay for thousands upon thousands of dollars in medical treatments, family who sacrificed their time and gave so much love so unselfishly, and multiple other evidences of God's presence and His unmerited love for me, and I am amazed that I could still be such a hopeless child. I'm an Israelite wandering in the desert, forgetting about the manna God just gave me a few hours ago. I see the trials and hardships, and I forget about that sweet manna that He has always rained down on me every time I've needed it. Where is that woman who just couldn't wait to see what amazing thing God was going to do next? In her place there is a woman who expects so little from a God who is so mighty, a God who held on to me so tightly but so gently over the last 29 years. Where is my hope?
I say this not because I have given up, not because I want pity. In fact, it is completely the opposite. I say it because I want to be that woman again. And for some reason I feel that if I just "write it down" and see the words for myself all spelled out, maybe just maybe it will be the push I need to get back to that place - the place where I end a letter with the words "In His Mighty Grip," and I can really mean it.
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