Coincidence or Providence? (Part 2)

This is going to be a long one so brace yourself.

Since the D&C in December up until about a week ago, there has been no significant length of time that I haven't been bleeding on some level.  I kept telling myself it was my hormones, that my body was just trying to adjust after losing the baby.  I WANTED to think that I was being paranoid.  As it turns out I wasn't being paranoid at all.

Back when I miscarried, the ultrasound that showed there was no fetal heart rate anymore also caused the radiologist to be suspicious I had a bicornuate uterus.  This isn't a life threatening condition, but it can be serious enough that it will sometimes inhibit the survival of a baby in the uterus.  To put it simply, a bicornuate uterus is heart-shaped uterus with a septum running down the middle that can cut the uterus in half, thus not leaving enough room for a baby to develop in the womb.  Sometimes, if it is severe enough, it will cause miscarriages.  So, back to my point.  When my doctor read the report and saw suspicion of a bicornuate uterus, he told me to get an MRI a couple months after the miscarriage when my uterus was back to its normal size to investigate this possibility.

On Wednesday of last week I had the MRI done, which uncovered the cause of all of my medical issues and miscarriage in the last few months. The results of that MRI have determined that I have what is called a Uterine AVM (Uterine Arteriovenous Malformation).

I'm sure you have never heard of this condition before. (If you have, I am astounded). AVMs are usually found in the brain or other parts of the body. Uterine AVMs are so rare that there have only been about 100 cases reported throughout the world. It is a life threatening condition in which a section of blood vessels lacks capillary network, resulting from an artery being delivered directly to a vein. This places pressure on the vein, which over time, may weaken and burst causing a hemmorage. It is believed this condition may be congenital or acqured. (This definition was taken from an excerpt at (http://members.tripod.com/~Cath_Fisher/uterineAVM.html). To put it bluntly, if not discovered quickly enough these AVMs can be fatal.

Now, let's back track.  Most likely, my miscarriage was caused by this Uterine AVM.  Here is the kicker though.  Had I NOT had a miscarriage and carried the pregnancy much longer, there is a very good chance, according to my doctor, that I would have hemmoraged and died.  Coincidence or providence?  (That's rhetorical).

Let's go back to the MRI now.  Pay attention now.  The reason I went for the MRI was because an ultrasound showed the possibility of bicornuate uterus.  Well, the MRI showed that there are NO signs of bicornuate uterus.  That MRI was COMPLETELY providence.  Had the radiologist not made the mistake of seeing a bicornuate uterus I may never have had that MRI.  Had I not had the MRI, I may not have discovered I had a Uterine AVM.  Had I not discovered I had a Uterine AVM...you get the picture.

Let's go back to the D&C now.  It is a well known fact that when a woman has a Uterine AVM, it is just about the riskiest and worst thing to do a D&C.  The results can be catastrophic.  My hemmorage after the D&C was most likely caused by the Uterine AVM.  As a side note, in all fairness to my doctor, there is really almost no way he could have known I had a Uterine AVM at this point.  This condition is so rare, that I do not know if any doctor would have thought my bleeding during this miscarriage was caused by it.  I am just grateful that God guided his hands so that he was able stop the bleeding.  Knowing now how a D&C could have been fatal for me at that point - I realize God spared my life yet again that day.  Coincidence? No way.

Sheer providence.  All of it.  I have left out several other examples, that are equally as incredible as those listed above, of God's providence during this time, because they involve other people.  I want to respect their privacy so I do not want to mention any names.  But isn't this enough?  My life was spared over and over again.  The only reason we came to my diagnosis was because of a "mistake" a radiologist made.  What a wonderful mistake that was!  After all of this, I just cannot understand how anyone could even WONDER if there is a God.  This post only covers a few examples over the last 3 months of His obvious existence and love and mercy.  I could go back throughout my life and list example after example.

Today, I am just overcome by Him.

"Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
(Isaiah 41:10)

Coincidence or Providence? (Part 1)

I'm going to venture away from my usual topics today.  I have been avoiding writing anything about this subject due to its deeply personal nature, but I feel that I can no longer omit it as it has become such a huge part of my daily life.

I suffered a miscarriage in December of last year (2009).  I learned I was pregnant in November and had heavy bleeding with large clots for about 4 weeks before we found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat.  Yes, it was one of the most difficult things I have ever been through.  After some episodes of severely heavy bleeding, several ultrasounds, trips to the doctor, a visit to the emergency room and weeks of praying, God in His mercy took our little one home to be with him.  On December 23rd, I went in for a scheduled D&C to remove the tissue that my body was not passing.  When I was being prepared for surgery they took my temperature and discovered I was beginning to run a fever.  The nurse informed me that had I waited much longer I may have been in a very serious situation.  In God's providence He spared me from a possibly dangerous infection.

When I came out of anesthesia and saw the doctor standing in front of me he told me that I lost an unusual amount of blood after the procedure but assured me that the procedure had been successful.  This is one of the most amazing examples of God's providence during this ordeal, but I'm not going to explain why just yet.  You will read about this more later on.

Losing my baby was the most painful trial I have ever experienced.  But here I am 3 months later, and just a few days ago God has blessed me by allowing me to see just a glimmer of his amazing, unfathomable providence.  My miscarriage probably saved my life.

My God Is So Big

I woke up this morning with the song "My God Is So Big" in my head.  I've been reciting the lyrics all day: "My God is so big.  So strong and so mighty.  There's nothing my God cannot do."  I do not remember when my mother taught us this song, but I remember singing it often growing up (as well as doing all the hand motions that go along with it).  Perhaps you're familiar with it.  It is, after all, a children's classic.  

I'm 27, and now that I'm a parent I find myself reflecting often on ways to teach and submerge my son in Scripture and learn who his Savior is.  As I look back on my life I have often noticed that many of the Bible verses I have memorized I have learned through songs that my mother taught and played for us.  Some of my favorites are Romans 8:28, Lamentations 3:22-23,  and Romans 3:23.  I can even still remember the tunes that go along with them.  

Because I see how effective this method was in my life, I plan on using it with my son as well.    Thanks to Ethan's Gran, we will be using the Hermie and Friends series.  It is available for purchase here http://www.hermieandfriends.com/index.asp?view=music.  We've been listening to these since Christmas, and I've been very pleased with them.

I think it is extremely important to remember that the point of memorizing Scripture isn't just for the sake of being able to rattle verses off.  While we are teaching our children about Jesus, they need to know that it isn't just memorization for the sake of memorization.  They need to KNOW Jesus, to understand the Scripture they are memorizing.

There are several reasons for Scripture memorization, and as we enter different stages of our lives we will find that knowing God's Word is absolutely key to living truly happy and fulfilling lives.  It is the key to truly KNOWING God, the One who has given us life and breath.  I will never understand how anyone, after knowing that their very existence hinges on our Creator, would not WANT to know Him better.  If there is anyone in this life that we should want to invest our time in, why wouldn't it be Him?  I confess that I fail in this area of my life.  My priorities do not always put Him before anything or anyone else.  I pray that He would work in my heart to change that.  I pray also that He might spare my son from inheriting such a sinful quality from me.

In recent months, I have been challenged.  My faith has been challenged, and one of the greatest comforts and reminders of God's promises to me has come from those Scriptures that I have memorized since I was a child.  In this example alone, the effort that my parents put in to teaching us God's Word has paid off.  I have had some extremely low days and moments, and it has been God's awesome promises that have lifted me up. 

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Rom. 8:28)

"Let not your hearts be troubled.  Believe in God; believe also in Me." (John 14:1)

There are many others, but these two stand out in my mind today.  I am often fearful about my current health situation, but my husband is quick to remind me of the truth and who my real Healer is.  I hope and pray that this time in my life teaches me to remember always, even in the darkest moments, that my God is so big, strong and mighty there is nothing He cannot do.  

Why I Won't Have a Garage Sale Ever Again

I used to think that having a garage sale was a great way to make a little extra cash (just enough for my husband and I to go to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner :) yum). I thought it was worth all of the time spent gathering my stuff up and setting it up outside, sitting all day trying to sell it and then at the end of having to put whatever was left away.  Every year I ended up having more to put out because I would have to put the previous garage sale leftovers with all of the new stuff I wanted to get rid of.

And then my neighbor told me about www.lupuspickup.org.  Now, maybe everyone already knows about this.  Maybe I'm the last one to find out.  All I know is thanks to www.lupuspickup.org I will never have a garage sale again.

All you have to do is take ANYTHING you have that you want to get rid of, and when I say ANYTHING I mean ANYTHING.  You can go to their website and schedule a pickup online, or you can call the Lupus Pickup phone number at 1-888-44-LUPUS.  You schedule the pickup, leave all of your stuff outside your garage door or front door at 7am the morning they are coming for the pickup and they come by at some point that day and take it away for you.

It is so simple, and there are so many benefits.

1. You are donating to a good cause.
2. It's a tax write off (this is my favorite benefit).
3. You don't have to set everything up for a garage sale and sit there all day (sometimes in very hot weather or muggy, rainy weather), and you don't have to put anything away.  They will take anything you want to give them.
4. This is a great opportunity to do some spring cleaning and "decluttering."

No more garage sales for me!

Heaven is My Home

I confess that lately it has been a real challenge to stay positive, to stay dependent solely on Christ.  I have been dealing with some difficult medical issues over the last several months.  My faith is being stretched and strengthened daily, and some days are better than others.  

I was truly struck by the message at church today.  We were reading from Romans 8.  Verses 18 through 25 say:


 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.  For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.  For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.  For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.  And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we are saved.  Now hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he sees:  But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

When the pastor reminded us that this is not our home, that we are "visiting" here I felt my eyes well up with tears.  There was a time that when I heard that concept mentioned I felt a twinge of sadness at the thought of leaving this earth, not being with my family or friends and giving up the silly pleasantries of this life.  The thought of death frightened me; I associated it with pain and suffering.  How foolish!  Today when my eyes welled up with tears at the thought of leaving this place, I felt relief. I felt joy and excitement at the thought of leaving all of this behind and being with my Savior, the thought of living in eternal bliss and having peace forever.  The thought of going home...

I love my husband, my son, my parents, my siblings, my church and my friends.  I have a great life.  God has blessed us over and over and over again with so much more than we deserve or need.  I have no right to complain about anything.  Every breath that God gives me, every second is a gift.  I am grateful for His goodness to me.  But as I get older and grow closer to meeting my Heavenly Father and as I learn more about the beauty and overwhelming fulfillment of being in His great and wonderful presence, I groan for that day.  I long to be in my Father's presence.

At the close of the sermon this morning we sang "It is Well with My Soul."  I choked back tears as I recited the words, "Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul."  The reason for my reaction was twofold.  The first being that I can ALWAYS still hear my Grandad's voice singing the lyrics.  This was a favorite of his.  He, a man who suffered severe physical ailments for most of his adult life, would really belt it out when we sang it.  The second being that these lyrics are as though they were written just for me.  They echo the sentiment that I have felt in my heart for the last few months.

Before the service was over the pastor also reminded us that suffering is to be expected in this life.  We are not guaranteed anything on this earth.  Being a Christian doesn't mean that we will have a loving or respectful spouse, perfect children, good health, money, a job or even a home.  In fact, what we are actually GUARANTEED is suffering.  "The whole creation" is "groaning together in the pains of childbirth."  But we are also guaranteed this: Our suffering does not even come close to comparing "with the glory that is to be revealed to us."  Oh, to taste that glory!  

While I am navigating my way through each day here and facing some difficult circumstances lately this is my comfort.  A concept that once was a source of sadness, and even sometimes fear, has finally become my peace, just as it should be.  

"Come, Lord Jesus."

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; 
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore, I will hope in Him.


Lamentations 3:22-24

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Going Organic on the Cheap

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With all of printable coupons on the internet now, going organic doesn't have to be expensive!

Get this Sampler

GREAT Free Music

One word...or should I say one website: www.noisetrade.com.

I've been using this website for over a year now and have gotten countless free songs and albums. It's simple. There's no contract, no fees and you don't have to give your credit card information. Best of all, they won't bombard you with a bunch of obnoxious emails.

Here's how it works. Click on the link (www.noisetrade.com), and start sampling all kinds of music. Most of it is Christian, and not only that it's REALLY REALLY GOOD Christian music. You can either email 5 friends about the album you want to download or pay noisetrade any amount of money over a dollar.

I have been very impressed and can honestly say I haven't downloaded one single song or album that has disappointed me. I cannot think of even one drawback associated with using this website.

Most of the music sounds like artists like Ray LaMontagne, Feist, Surfjan Stevens, Muse, Kings of Leon, Snow Patrol, Travis and U2.

Some of my favorite artists from noisetrade have been Lovelite, Lovedrug, Matthew Perryman Jones, Derek Webb and Katie Herzig.

Try it. You'll like it.

Bob's Red Mill Bran Flax Muffins (with some extra healthy twists)

This is one of my favorite recipes because it is really healthy but still really delicious. I've made a few changes and substituted egg whites for whole eggs, molasses and honey for brown sugar, craisins for raisins, and organic whole wheat flour for pastry flour. Even my husband (who is not the biggest fan of "healthy") has given these muffins his seal of approval. Don't be fooled by the picture. They're more appetizing than they look. My camera doesn't have very good resolution. :)

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups Organic Whole Wheat Flour
3/4 cup Flaxseeds Meal
3/4 cup Oat Bran Cereal
1/4 cup Molasses
1/4 cup Honey
2 tsp Baking Soda
1 tsp Baking Powder
1/2 tsp Salt
2 tsp Cinnamon
1 1/2 cups finely shredded Carrots
2 peeled and shredded Granny Smith Apples
1/2 cup Craisins
1 cup chopped Sliced Almonds
3/4 cup Skim Milk
3 beaten Egg Whites
1.5 tsp Vanilla

Directions

Mix together flour, Bob's Red Mill Flaxseed Meal, oat bran, honey, molasses, baking soda, baking powder, salt and cinnamon in a large bowl. Stir in carrots, apples, craisins (if desired) and nuts. Combine milk, beaten eggs and vanilla. Pour liquid ingredients into dry ingredients. Stir until ingredients are moistened. DO NOT OVER MIX. Fill muffin cups 3/4 full. Bake at 350 degrees F for 15-20 minutes.

Makes about 20 muffins.

Nutritional Info

• Servings Per Recipe: 20
• Amount Per Serving
• Calories: 98.9

• Total Fat: 2.5 g
• Cholesterol: 0.2 mg
• Sodium: 229.2 mg
• Total Carbs: 17.6 g
• Dietary Fiber: 2.9 g
• Protein: 3.1 g

We as Women

The majority of books that I've been reading the last couple of years have been centered around homemaking and rearing children. One of the things that has struck me so many times is the great privilege and responsibility that we women have in taking care of our husbands, children and others in our church family. The concept does not discriminate. It is our DUTY as women, whether we are single, married or even widowed. I have often fought and struggled with thoughts of inadequacy like "what I do doesn't matter. I stay home and raise a child and take care of my husband and home." (Look back at my blog over the last year and you will see what I mean). In reading these books, I have gained a wonderful and warm sense of fulfillment knowing that what I do is so much more than that. It is so beautiful for all of us, no matter what season of life we are in or heading towards, that we have such a grand responsibility as daughters in Christ. All women, mothers or not, can teach Sunday School, lead a Bible Study, reach out to the teenage girls at church who are just trying to get through what seems like the toughest years of their lives, or bring meals to the sick and elderly.

I think the point that I'm trying to get to is that we as women are capable and gifted in such a way that we can care for all of those around us, be it friends, family or even strangers, and be a light for Christ whether we are in the home or out in the world with our peers. It is not an easy concept to wholeheartedly accept, but we MUST. And we must not only accept it, but we must LIVE it. We have to ask ourselves wherever we are, at church, the grocery store, the office, on the street, in the car, in front of our children, in front of our spouse, at the mall, at our children's sporting events, "When people look at me, can they see Jesus?"