20 week ultrasound

Well, here it is! Seeing this ultrasound was by far one of the greatest experiences I've ever had. I can't believe there's a little person inside of me. It's incredible how much a baby moves around at only 20 weeks. Our little boy/girl is VERY mobile. He/she was moving around quite a bit throughout the ultra sound. We think we may have even seen a little thumb-sucking going on!

I'm half way there. I'm pretty much used to being pregnant, but I feel like there's so little time left to prepare. There are so many things I want to read or learn about before the baby gets here. I'm going to focus on our birth plan for the time being. There's so much more involved than we ever would have thought!

Watching my baby move around on the monitor today was an overwhelming experience on so many levels. One being that it is amazing Aron and I together created a life (all by God's hand first of course). Two being that God truly does "weave" a life inside a woman. A baby first starts as just this tiny little thing. Within just a couple of weeks there's a beating heart and limbs and organs forming. It is such a beautiful and amazing process that God so intricately designed. It's just incredible. God truly has His hand in every single little detail in creating us and in our lives after we're born.

"Christmas Break" vs. "Winter Break," "Eid al-Adha" vs. "Eid al-Adha?"

The purpose of this post is two-fold.

1. It is very troubling how quickly Islam is taking over the world. I knew it would happen, but I honestly didn't believe it would happen in my lifetime.

2. Why is it okay to have religious holidays for some religions and not for others?

My heart sank when I heard the local news yesterday, announcing that schools in New Jersey would be having official Muslim holidays this year. Several schools will be closed on the Muslim holidays of Eid al-Fitr (the end of the month of fasting for Ramadan) and Eid al-Adha (the end of the pilgrimage to Mecca). The schools will be closed to ALL STUDENTS. What in the world is going on here? Separation of church and state?... apparently not in NJ. I understand that there is a significant Muslim population in NJ (as well as the United States), but if we are going to break the rules for them, what about Christians?

When did this happen? It seems like I blinked my eyes for only a second, and everything changed so drastically. Growing up (only 15 years ago) this would have been unheard of.

As a child in public school in the 80's and 90's we were NOT allowed to call our holiday for Christmas "Christmas Break," and Easter had to be labelled "Spring Break." Who decided that we could have holidays/days off from school on "Rosh Hashana" and "Yom Kippur" and "Eid al-Fitr" and that it was acceptable to call them by their official names? It's just wrong and hypocritical. There's no other way to describe it.

We are a country who supposedly doesn't believe in celebrating religous holidays in school, but here we are favoring and coddling anyone who isn't a Christian. It is well known that Christmas and Easter are no longer considered "religious" by the general public. Ask most of America what they think of when they hear the word "Christmas" or "Easter," and they'll tell you they envision a fat old man in a red suit and a freakishly large bunny handing out baskets of chocolate eggs. Ask Americans think of when they hear the words "Rosh Hashana", "Yom Kippur" or "Eid al-Fitr, and I'll bet you they think of nothing but "Jewish", "Muslim" or something of that nature.

If this is acceptable where do we draw the line? There are hundreds of religions and denominations in the world today. Will we celebrate everyone's holidays? We would have to so as not to offend anyone, wouldn't we?

My husband has also informed me recently of a town in Michigan that is allowing Muslim prayers to be read throughout the day over loudspeakers throughout the city (see this link: http://www.jihadwatch.org/dhimmiwatch/archives/001658.php). Once again, if we're going to cater to one religious group in society, why not all religious groups?

Why is it that no town in this country is allowed to air Christian prayers over loudspeakers all day? The answer is more simple than one would think. This is what the one true God has predestined before the beginning of time. Our only comfort as God's chosen children is that he is in complete control. He holds the universe in the palm of His hand and knows the entire history and future of his creation from beginning to end. Although it's easy to become fearful of what this world is coming to, isn't it so exciting to know that He has a beautiful, intricate and mind-boggling plan for us, His beloved? It gives me great hope.

husbands are great.

they take care of you when you don't feel well. they tuck you in when you go to bed before them. they kill the mosquitos in your bedroom that you're too afraid of even coming within ten feet of. they hold your hand when you go out together. they tease you when you whine. they wipe the tears from your eyes. and they remind you that everything's going to be okay even when you're sure it isn't.

having a husband can seem so trying at times but so worth it in the long haul. my husband is my best friend, my encouragement, my caregiver, my lover, my rest after a grueling day and my comfort in the choppy ugly sea of life. it has only been five months, and I cannot imagine life without him.

who i am

I was recently looking at the testimony I had written to "rejoin" my church about two years ago, and I thought I would post it. If you want to know who I am, here it is:

When I was growing up my grandparents, Walter and Elspeth Ferrier, who I loved so dearly, along with my parents, Andy and Fiona Eskow, were phenomenal sources of wisdom, encouragement and love. I was blessed beyond belief to have people in my love who understood the unfathomable value of knowing my Lord and personal Savior. Today, the majority of parents focus on providing for their children’s physical and emotional needs. Please understand, I believe those things are very important and crucial for a child to have while they are growing up, but you know as well as I do that this is not enough training for the spiritual battleground that our souls are faced with on a daily basis. I was so blessed to be given such a gift, such a foundation. I have always believed that, and I know this is only by God’s mercy, grace and love for me as his daughter.

I was faced with plenty of torment growing up, but as a child it was easy to be strong. I knew that there was something much more vital facing me when I left this earth. I knew that the trials I was facing as a child were well worth the gift of eternal life that I had been given (once again, only by God’s grace). I had an amazing support system consisting of parents and grandparents who loved the Lord and me, not to mention my spiritual family at Church of the Covenant. Calvinettes, Sunday School, corporate worship. The fellowship of other believers became such a source of strength for me. Bible study with my grandfather throughout my teen years (often focusing on the book of Romans) is one of my most treasured memories as a teen. Every time we read Romans 7:13-25 I was reminded of my ugly heart. Paul’s words in those verses were the ever present words that had been written on my heart. Each time I read it, I felt that the book was written specifically to me. The more I read Romans, the more I was convicted and saddened at my failure and sin. My heart ached, and I was truly grieved. My Grandad and I often wept together when we read that chapter. I grew to have a deeper understanding of my sin and struggled, “warring against the law of my mind” (vs. 23). As I grew older, the spiritual revelation God gave me had only made me realize more how odious and sinful my heart were. There was so much pressure to do indulge in behaviors that were not of the Lord. There was temptation, and I soon discovered that the blissful days of childhood were fleeting. Being a young Christian woman was more difficult than I ever expected. I made mistakes, I fell flat on my face and sinned daily over and over again. I encountered long, tedious battles of spiritual warfare. My sin grieved me so, and I often had doubts about “being worthy” of Christ’s love. I went through such a horrible time for several years. Much of my sin had left me scarred and miserable, feeling worthless. I struggled for years with depression and feeling unworthy of Christ’s love. I still had my support system, my grandparents, my parents and brothers and sisters in Christ, but I felt so ashamed of who I was that it became nearly impossible for me to face my brothers and sisters in Christ. I didn’t want anyone to see how sinful my heart was. I knew I was saved, but I had doubts. How could Christ love me? How could a Father who laid down His life for me and gave me the most important gift in life, love a child who scorned Him, who slapped Him in the face on a daily basis? The fact of the matter was, I was relying on myself. I wasn’t using the support system God had provided for me. I forsook the “gathering together of the saints,” sending myself even more quickly into the downward spiral I had been headed in.

God has been so good to me. Even now, as I sit here and type the words on this page, my eyes well up with tears when I consider His endless love for me. I am His child. He chose me, not of my own merit (obviously), and my heart is overflowing today with thankfulness. For years, I have been just like Adam and Eve, hiding amongst the trees, ashamed of my sin, cowering and wishing that God wouldn’t see me, trying to “do things my way.“ In recent months, my Lord and Savior has been so incredibly merciful to me and opened my eyes to the fact that no matter how sinful, disgusting and disgraceful my heart is… I am His forever. I still weep for my sin, but I so often weep with joy now at His infinite love for me. “My cup runneth over.” I still hate my sin so much and pray for grace daily to honor God and put away my transgressions, but I realize now that there is nothing I can do to save myself. What a blessing for that revelation!

One of my favorite books has become “Principles of Conduct” by John Murray. There is a chapter that speaks of law and grace. In it Murray says, “The simple truth is that if law is conceived of as contributing in the least degree towards our acceptance with God and our justification by Him, then the gospel of grace is a nullity. And the issue is so sharply and incisively drawn that, if we rely in any respect upon compliance with law for our acceptance with God, then Christ will profit us nothing.” Grace is not a nullity; God’s grace has saved me. Praise God!! I am His, and He is mine. “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God” (Eph. 2:8,9).

Look at my BABY! (17 weeks and counting)

Look at my BABY! He or she has ears, eyes, toes and fingers. It's so hard to believe. Our little boy or girl is growing at an amazingly high speed. I've woken up the last few days (especially this morning) with a bit of a sore abdomen; I can feel that my belly is stretching and growing everyday.

I've never had a baby before so as far as knowing what fetal movement feels like I guess I can't really be too sure. But I have to say I thought I felt a very distinct "jump" in my tummy last week. It was awesome. Two nights ago I was lying in bed, and I felt a lot of flutters so..... I guess it's happening!

Feeling your child move inside you for the first time is so surreal. Honestly, in the first few months of my pregnancy sometimes it was hard to believe there was a little person growing inside of me (aside from the evidence of feeling exhausted and nauseous). It is truly a gift from God that He allows us to feel our child's movement inside of us. He didn't have to design it that way, but He did. What a blessing!

Lord willing, we have 5 more months to go. Then Daddy, baby and I will all finally be able to meet face to face. I can't even begin to fathom what that will be like, but I DO know that I can't wait until the day comes.