It is difficult to put into words, looking back a couple months ago when I was still carrying Walter, what I was feeling. I didn't know how to think. I didn't know what to say to people. I used to try to formulate in my mind what I was going to say to anyone who heard I was pregnant and didn't know I was carrying a baby I would never raise. I didn't want anyone to feel awkward when I told them my baby wasn't going to live. I never did find the right words to explain it...
Even more difficult than this was my inability to pray. I didn't know what to say to God. I would often open my mouth to pray out loud, especially during family worship, and I just couldn't get the words out. Tears were about all I could manage.
In the midst of everything, we received a card in the mail from our friends. The front of the card said, "God doesn't wait for us to reach out, to ask for help, and get on our knees. God just goes ahead and takes our hands before we ask." The inside said, "He tells us what we need to hear: 'Don't be scared. I'm right here. Always have been, always will.'"
For the last few weeks of Walter's life I referred to those words often. I kept the card in the kitchen where I spend most of my day so that I could be reminded as often as I needed to.
Sometimes we just don't know how to pray or what to say, and it is a relief to have a Heavenly Father who intercedes for us, an omniscient God who knows our every need and desire even better than we do.
"For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." (Psalm 103:14)
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