My Loss, Your Gain

I remember your lips. I knew you were a boy the moment I saw your sweet little face. You had your Daddy's mouth. You had his hairline, his ears, his fingers. There was no doubt in my mind you were our son.

It's barely been two days since we watched your tiny heart beating through your chest. You were so strong even with so many physical difficulties.

The pain now is so raw. There was no way to be prepared for losing you. If I could have done anything, if giving up my own life would have meant preserving yours, I would have gladly.

Better for you to be with Jesus than with me though. My single comfort is that God chose to bring you to himself and spare you the suffering of living in this cruel, unholy world. Knowing that you are in God's hands instead of mine - there is NO better place to be.

But I love you still so much. It still tears my heart apart not to get to see you play with your big brother, to hear your voice, to watch you hug your Daddy, to feel you wrap your little arms around my neck, to listen to you giggle for the first time...

I will wait for the day I can look in your eyes and see you face to face in heaven, but until then I will look forward more to the day I can imagine your sweet face without feeling the anguish and heartbreak I feel now.

You are loved, little one.

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