Jesus, Bring the Rain

I spent many evenings and afternoons sitting at my Grandad's table pouring ourselves over the Shorter Catechism, Romans and other Scriptures. My preteen and teen years were extremely developmental for me as far as my faith goes. I can remember multiple evenings that we were so overwhelmed by God's grace and mercy for us we were moved to tears. My Grandad had a ferocious love for the Scriptures that was unsurpassed by anyone I can recall, a love that was contagious. I watched him suffer daily from severe physical ailments that caused him constant pain, but he never ever blamed God. In fact, his suffering, I'm sure, is what caused him to cling even harder to the cross. I've never known a reformed, conservative Christian man to be so passionate and charismatic for his Maker. He sang "What E'er My God Ordain is Right" with complete conviction. When he recited hymn lyrics or Scripture he did it with his whole heart. He made the Word of God his anthem. Walter and Elspeth Ferrier lived lives of suffering and yet lives that were so filled with the Holy Spirit.

I have caught myself wondering sometimes, "When will we have some relief? A respite... When will our lives be normal?" But I am reminded of the lives my grandparents led. I don't remember a time that they weren't suffering. They were grateful for God's love for them no matter how bleak the circumstances. It is hard for me to think that there are no guarantees in this life, that I don't know what the future holds, that it may be a long time before I know that rest I so deeply desire. And yet...

I am so thankful that God is keeping me close to Him. When I think about my spiritual well being when life was "normal" and "easy," I remember having less of a "need" for Christ (or what I thought was less of a need). I don't remember feeling the longing that I do for Him now, for His Word, His presence. It is a shame that for me, apparently, it takes such times of trouble to keep me clinging to the cross, to my Jesus.

I will say this: if a life of difficulty, of sorrow, or pain, anguish, physical trials, loss and tears is what it takes to keep me close to God, then that is what I prefer. If an easy life, with little difficulty and normalcy produces weakness, poor character, a stunt in my spiritual growth and complacency, I don't want any part of it.

I will take whatever He gives me as long as it means I will want more of Him, as long as it means He will keep me close to Him.