Surgery

I had my appointment with the specialist on March 22nd.  It went better than I ever could have hoped.  My main concerns were preserving my fertility, being able to have a natural birth (not a c-section) and obviously just having my condition corrected.  Aron and I were both astounded that when we asked the doctor  how many uterine avms he has treated in the past, he said he had embolized about 50 or 60.  50 or 60!  Originally, everyone was telling us we should be satisfied if we could find a doctor who had treated even just a couple.  But 50 or 60?  What a relief it was to hear that.  We asked him what the outlook on fertility was like after the procedure.  He was optimistic and told us that most of his patients who wanted to have children afterwards were able to do so.  Aron and I had also been told by other doctors that even if I was able to get pregnant again I would most likely need to get a c-section.  You can imagine our surprise when we found out from this doctor it was actually the opposite. He told us it would be safer to try to have a vaginal delivery.  

After I had exhausted the doctor with all of my questions, Aron said "So how soon can we get this fixed?"  The doctor scheduled me for an embolization on March 26th.  I only had to wait 3 more days to finally have this issue resolved. 

I arrived for surgery at Lenox Hill Hospital in NYC early in the morning on March 26th.  I was extremely anxious, fighting the memory of my D&C back in December.  I don't think I would have been so anxious if the D&C hadn't gone the way it did.  It was supposed to be a simple outpatient procedure, and I ended up losing a lot of blood, fainting and being stuck at the hospital longer than expected.  I suppose that in combination with the horrific circumstances of my miscarriage made me a little wary of having another surgery.  After all, I had been told the D&C would be a simple surgery, and it didn't exactly turn out that way.  

Anyway, Aron prayed with me.  He held my hand and reassured me over and over again that everything was going to be alright.  He listened to my incessant worrying and never once seemed worried himself.  I have a strong husband.  I don't know what I would do without him... When they wheeled me down the hall all I could think was "Please don't make me let go of his hand.  I need him with me."  We were separated before they took me into the operating room, and all I could do was pray.  Honestly, I don't remember what I prayed.  I just remember talking to God.  

The next thing I remember was waking up and seeing the doctor.  He told me that everything went well.  I don't remember anything else he said.  I think I was still groggy because I remember waking up again and seeing Aron.  I don't remember what I said to Aron.  I remember being so relieved that he was there with me.  Later on, Aron told me that the first thing I did when I woke up was look at him and in a soft little voice say "Kiss me."

I stayed overnight at the hospital and almost miraculously right after the surgery my bleeding had finally stopped.  The next morning I woke up and felt great.  The doctor stopped by to see me and show me some before and after pictures of the surgery.  It was amazing.  Before the surgery there was this ball of tangled veins and blood vessels in my uterus.  After the surgery there was nothing, not even a trace of the avm.  He told me that it was not as bad as he had expected it may be and that because it was a "low flow" avm the probability of it returning was low.  He examined me and I was discharged an hour later.

There are no guarantees.  The chances that something like this might happen to me were 1 in millions, maybe even billions.  But God was with me for every second the last 4 months.  None of this was an accident.  It was all for my good.  The timing, the places, the people, the events - it was all in God's perfect plan.  I am not just another face in the crowd, not just another one of God's many children or a daughter of some distant God who doesn't have time for or interest in me.  All of this has transpired for a reason.  I may not know why or understand God's plan, but I am completely confident that it has all been for my good.  He has got me covered  right down to the very last, intricate detail.  

My God is SO big.