God ALWAYS provides even when we're not looking...

It is so easy for us to wake up in the morning, rush through our day and forget about all that God has provided for us, even the smallest things. This morning my husband woke up at 4am with his throat closing up. We had a normal evening, went to bed, not a hint that anything was wrong. Allow me to point out from the second he woke up up until we returned home all that we had to be thankful for.

I'm thankful he wasn't traveling on business by himself yet. He was scheduled to take a train at 5:30 this morning and travel until 12:30 this afternoon. This happened only an hour before he would have left the house. I'm thankful my sister in law happened to be visiting. Our son woke up crying while we were getting ready to leave for the emergency room. Sarah (my sister in law) stepped right in and took care of him so we didn't have to be concerned with getting him ready to bring with us. I'm thankful the hospital is about a 3 minute drive from our house. I'm thankful for healthcare and that we even HAVE a hospital. I'm thankful that the waiting room was empty when we got to the emergency room. Aron was able to see a doctor right away. I'm thankful for wisdom and the minds that God has given us so that doctors can learn how to save people's lives. I'm thankful for modern medicine. The doctor was able to give Aron IV antibiotics and something to reverse the swelling in his throat.

The thing that stood out the most to me during the sequence of events this morning was this though:

I'm thankful for my husband. Not long ago, I was stung by a bee in the middle of the night, and Aron drove ME to the emergency room. I vividly remember feeling panicked (I tend to have allergic reactions to the things as well as anxiety). I also remember him holding my hand and telling me everything was going to be okay. This time, it was him who was in danger, and I was supposed to be HIS comforter. I found myself becoming anxious for him. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to possibly worry him more. As I was gripping the wheel and wishing I could fly to the hospital he just looked at me, reassuringly squeezed my hand and said, "It's okay...I'm okay."

I am amazed at my husband's composure and strength in situations like these. Even in situations that look bleak or frightening for him, he manages to stay calm and comfort ME. I'm thankful for him, not for having a husband...but having HIM for my husband.

The Best 100% Whole Wheat (with a little flax) Homemade Bread Ever

Anyone who knows me well knows about my ongoing obsession with using whole ingredients when I'm cooking or baking, especially flax seed. I found this recipe online a few months ago and have tried baking this bread regularly every couple of weeks or so. It has been delicious from the beginning, but now... perfection. After several attempts using different measurements and ingredients I have come up with what I believe is FANTASTIC, healthy, homemade bread. But here is the absolute best part - it's super easy. I don't have a bread machine so I do this by hand. (I know that sounds intimidating relative to time management, but trust me, it doesn't take long at all). Here it is:

Ingredients:

1 3/8 c. hot water

1/6 c. olive oil (I use Smart Balance oil sometimes)

2/3 c. milled flax seed

1/6 c. honey

1 tbsp. molasses

1/2 tbsp. sea salt

about 3 c. whole wheat flour

1 tbsp. active yeast

1. Mix together water, oil, flax seed, honey, molasses and salt.

2. Add 1 c. flour and the yeast. Mix.

3. Add the other 2 c. of flour a little at a time while mixing until the consistency becomes even. There should be just enough flour to keep the dough from sticking to the bowl. The less flour you can get away with using the better. I usually don't need more than a total of 3 cups. Try not to overmix it.

4. Leave the dough in the bowl and cover with a dish towel or cloth. Let it rise for about 45 minutes. It should almost double in size.

5. Grease a loaf pan with cooking spray. (I like to use a stoneware pan. It always comes out perfectly baked all the way through without being too tough on the outside. I also use Smart Balance cooking spray to grease the pan).

6. Knead dough and drop it on to a floured surface. Knead some more. Return dough to bowl. Allow to rise for another 30 - 45 minutes.

7. When dough has doubled in size again, remove it from the bowl and place on a floured surface once more. Knead again and shape into oblong loaf. Place into loaf pan. Let it rise. This part takes a couple hours some time. I have the best luck when I leave the dough in front of a sunny window. It should just about double in size.

8. When the dough looks like it is about ready to bake, preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

9. Bake for 30 - 35 minutes.

10. When bread is done, remove from oven and pan and cool on rack.

You can eat it right away. We love it with a mixture of extra virgin olive oil (or grapeseed oil), a little fresh ground black pepper and grated parmesan cheese. When the bread is completely cool, wrap it in a layer of plastic wrap and a layer of foil. You can leave it out on your counter, and it should stay fresh for a few days.

"Feminine Appeal" by Carolyn Mahaney

Oh, where to begin. I finally finished "Feminine Appeal." I don't know why it took me so long. It's a fantastic book. I suppose having a 9 month old and having the tendency to be easily distracted could be reason enough.

I'll just get right to it...

I marked off several pages (which is what I do whenever I see something I'm reading that I want to refer back to) in the second chapter alone"The Delight of Loving My Husband." Carolyn recalls to mind that before they were married her husband would often be too busy with his ministry and forget to eat. She didn't mind because she was so thankful for just his company that she would ignore her own hunger pangs. Not long after they were married she began to resent that they would miss meals. She wondered how he could be so selfish as to be so engrossed in his ministering to other people that he would forget about her own discomfort. The key here is this: It wasn't her husband that had changed; it was her. Where were those loving feelings that she initially had for this man? They were replaced with sinful thoughts of anger. She lost her patience with him while he was learning how to care for his new bride. I was really struck when I read this paragraph:

"If we find that our affection for our husband is waning or has subsided altogether, then we do not need to look any further than our own hearts. Where sin is present, warm affection dissipates. Anger, bitterness, criticism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness - all vigorously oppose tender love. This love cannot survive in a heart that harbors sin."

Wow. Guilty as charged of all of the above. These sins will choke the life out of a marriage. I can attest to this. Where my "self" becomes the priority, there is no room for love or warmth. We can point the finger at the other person all day long, but when it comes down to it we are responsible for how we react and feel. I am not saying that it is okay for a husband to treat his wife unjustly, but even if he does, a sinful reaction on her part is just that - SIN.

It has become far too easy in my life for me to justify my actions because I feel I have been wronged, whether by my husband or someone else. Again, Carolyn writes "When we see our husbands as sinners like ourselves - sinners in need of God's grace and mercy - it strips away any intolerant, critical, or demanding attitude we may be tempted to have. Every husband has areas where he needs to change and grow, but so do we!" How true this has been in my life. I have wronged my Savior over and over and over again, but I am so quick to forget that fact. I continue to stumble and sin against him on a daily basis. What right do I have to look at ANYONE else like they are worse than me. If I could just hold on to this truth, I can only imagine the world of difference it would make in my marriage and my relationships with others.

"Feminine Appeal" is so filled with Godly wisdom for wives it's worth reading yearly. There is much more I could add here, but in the essence of time I will leave it at that.

Seeing Value in Being a Mother

I have only been a mother for 9 months. My son doesn't know the difference between right and wrong yet. He knows to cry when he's hungry, tired or needs his diaper changed. He smiles and laughs when he is happy (and what a beautiful sight and sound that is!) This is as far as his world extends at this point in his life. Sometimes I struggle with seeing the value in "mothering." Because my son's only needs include diapering, feeding and sleeping, those are my only duties at this point. Lately I often catch myself giving into exhaustion and my feelings and allowing myself to fall into an attitude that doesn't exemplify that of a Godly mother.

Here is a quote from John Angell James' book "Female Piety" that I keep coming back to:

"At a pastoral conference, held not long since, at which about one hundred and twenty American clergymen, united in the bonds of common faith, were assembled, each was invited to state the human instrumentality to which, under the Divine blessing, he attributed to a change of heart. How many of these, think you, gave the honour of it to their mother? Of one hundred twenty, above one hundred! Here then are facts, which are only selected from myriads of others, to prove a mother's power, and to demonstrate at the same time her responsibility."

What a reminder of the great privilege we have to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord! There is no greater objective a mother must have for her child. There is nothing wrong with desiring good things like happiness and success for our children, but these things are fleeting. When we are gone, and our children breathe their last breath and it's time for them to meet their Maker where will their happiness and successes in life and personal fulfillment fall? Will it matter? Our lives on this earth are no comparison to our lives on the other side of eternity. I know it will be so tempting for me to put their comfort and joy on this earth before everything else, but I hope and pray I will not give into this desire. I'm not there yet, but this is something that I know I need to praying on and preparing myself for. They need to love and know their Savior better than they know anything else.

So, when I find myself getting impatient and doubting my value as a mother, I keep coming back to that quote. It is easy to become impatient with the sleepless nights and exhaustion that come with raising a baby, and I do continue to struggle...but I will continue to remind myself of the greater goal that is ahead of me.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb a reward." (Psalm 127:3)

What a great responsibility and amazing gift the Lord has bestowed upon us.

Ethan has a monkey on his back!

so long sweet summer...

Our little boy loves the warm weather and loves to swim already, just like his Daddy.

thankful

I am thankful. I love my job. Wiping a runny nose, changing & washing dirty diapers, washing & folding laundry, washing dishes, ironing, waking up every 1/2 hour to comfort my ill child, making dinner, shopping for dinner, vacuuming, running errands...taking walks with my son in his stroller, hearing the chime on my phone signaling my husband's text message "I miss you...I love you...Wish I was at home with you...," hearing my son's belly laugh, receiving my husband's hug after a long day at work, putting my son down on the floor for 5 minutes, leaving the room to tend to making the bed and finding him 10 feet across the room (he's not even crawling yet).

To the feminist population, this would probably be a disgusting display, but for me - it's all I've ever wanted. It may seem ridiculous to millions of women, maybe even most women, but this is what I was designed for. Sure, there are times that I grumble. I can be sick and delirious with exhaustion, but overall I still love my job. I wouldn't trade being a wife and mother for anything in the world.

I am thankful for my husband who provides for us and actually ENCOURAGES me to stay home to raise our child, who after a long hard day at the office is more than willing to stop at the grocery store for me to pick up the lettuce I forgot when I was there earlier and then watch our son for a couple hours so I can take a bath, read, recharge my batteries or do anything I'd like to relax, who brings me flowers "just because," who writes me poetry, who prays with and for me, who serves me elaborate breakfasts in bed every single day for 2 weeks while I'm pregnant and on bedrest, who goes to work all week to make it possible for me to be a "stay-at-home mom." He never complains, never tires, and never forgets to show his affection.

I lack nothing. I am so grateful to God. I am totally undeserving. I am totally humbled.