"Feminine Appeal" by Carolyn Mahaney

Oh, where to begin. I finally finished "Feminine Appeal." I don't know why it took me so long. It's a fantastic book. I suppose having a 9 month old and having the tendency to be easily distracted could be reason enough.

I'll just get right to it...

I marked off several pages (which is what I do whenever I see something I'm reading that I want to refer back to) in the second chapter alone"The Delight of Loving My Husband." Carolyn recalls to mind that before they were married her husband would often be too busy with his ministry and forget to eat. She didn't mind because she was so thankful for just his company that she would ignore her own hunger pangs. Not long after they were married she began to resent that they would miss meals. She wondered how he could be so selfish as to be so engrossed in his ministering to other people that he would forget about her own discomfort. The key here is this: It wasn't her husband that had changed; it was her. Where were those loving feelings that she initially had for this man? They were replaced with sinful thoughts of anger. She lost her patience with him while he was learning how to care for his new bride. I was really struck when I read this paragraph:

"If we find that our affection for our husband is waning or has subsided altogether, then we do not need to look any further than our own hearts. Where sin is present, warm affection dissipates. Anger, bitterness, criticism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness - all vigorously oppose tender love. This love cannot survive in a heart that harbors sin."

Wow. Guilty as charged of all of the above. These sins will choke the life out of a marriage. I can attest to this. Where my "self" becomes the priority, there is no room for love or warmth. We can point the finger at the other person all day long, but when it comes down to it we are responsible for how we react and feel. I am not saying that it is okay for a husband to treat his wife unjustly, but even if he does, a sinful reaction on her part is just that - SIN.

It has become far too easy in my life for me to justify my actions because I feel I have been wronged, whether by my husband or someone else. Again, Carolyn writes "When we see our husbands as sinners like ourselves - sinners in need of God's grace and mercy - it strips away any intolerant, critical, or demanding attitude we may be tempted to have. Every husband has areas where he needs to change and grow, but so do we!" How true this has been in my life. I have wronged my Savior over and over and over again, but I am so quick to forget that fact. I continue to stumble and sin against him on a daily basis. What right do I have to look at ANYONE else like they are worse than me. If I could just hold on to this truth, I can only imagine the world of difference it would make in my marriage and my relationships with others.

"Feminine Appeal" is so filled with Godly wisdom for wives it's worth reading yearly. There is much more I could add here, but in the essence of time I will leave it at that.

Seeing Value in Being a Mother

I have only been a mother for 9 months. My son doesn't know the difference between right and wrong yet. He knows to cry when he's hungry, tired or needs his diaper changed. He smiles and laughs when he is happy (and what a beautiful sight and sound that is!) This is as far as his world extends at this point in his life. Sometimes I struggle with seeing the value in "mothering." Because my son's only needs include diapering, feeding and sleeping, those are my only duties at this point. Lately I often catch myself giving into exhaustion and my feelings and allowing myself to fall into an attitude that doesn't exemplify that of a Godly mother.

Here is a quote from John Angell James' book "Female Piety" that I keep coming back to:

"At a pastoral conference, held not long since, at which about one hundred and twenty American clergymen, united in the bonds of common faith, were assembled, each was invited to state the human instrumentality to which, under the Divine blessing, he attributed to a change of heart. How many of these, think you, gave the honour of it to their mother? Of one hundred twenty, above one hundred! Here then are facts, which are only selected from myriads of others, to prove a mother's power, and to demonstrate at the same time her responsibility."

What a reminder of the great privilege we have to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord! There is no greater objective a mother must have for her child. There is nothing wrong with desiring good things like happiness and success for our children, but these things are fleeting. When we are gone, and our children breathe their last breath and it's time for them to meet their Maker where will their happiness and successes in life and personal fulfillment fall? Will it matter? Our lives on this earth are no comparison to our lives on the other side of eternity. I know it will be so tempting for me to put their comfort and joy on this earth before everything else, but I hope and pray I will not give into this desire. I'm not there yet, but this is something that I know I need to praying on and preparing myself for. They need to love and know their Savior better than they know anything else.

So, when I find myself getting impatient and doubting my value as a mother, I keep coming back to that quote. It is easy to become impatient with the sleepless nights and exhaustion that come with raising a baby, and I do continue to struggle...but I will continue to remind myself of the greater goal that is ahead of me.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb a reward." (Psalm 127:3)

What a great responsibility and amazing gift the Lord has bestowed upon us.

Ethan has a monkey on his back!